Spaz and the Spider

A Recital Piece – at this time, please picture me in a lacy white cotillion gown, combat boots, and afro.

*Ahem*

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider who sat down beside her
And she spazzed out in traffic trying to kill that mother fucker
Because she was driving
And he was IN HER CAR!
AaaaaaaaahEEEEEEEaaaaahhh!!!

*Ahem*

The end. Thank you.

{Curtesy} At this time, please throw flowers.

Advertisements

Top Ten Life Lessons Learned from “Charlotte’s Web” (1973)

Charlotte's Web (1973)

© 1973 Paramount HE. All rights reserved

  • 10. While crying and fainting may not solve your problems, it can certainly endear others to your cause.
  • 09. Loved ones die. No sugar-coated euphemisms about it. But death – while sad – is natural and eventual, and does not have to be frightening.
  • 08. To have an extensive vocabulary is damn cool.
  • 07. While love may equal self-sacrifice, it does not equal the sacrifice of personal growth.
  • 06. What we look like does not determine our value or dictate our future.
  • 05. People rarely think when mass media will do it for them.
  • 04. Only children can converse with talking animals. Those of you who never had this experience either A) never really had a childhood,  B) went through puberty WAY too early, or C) should have employed a talking goose to teach your dumb animal the art of articulation.
  • 03. Everything living has beauty and purpose. Even spiders that are only cute while animated.
  • 02. Friendship can overcome even classicism and speciesism.
  • 01. The second most awesome word in the English(ish) language to say aloud is Smorgasbord, losing the prize to its only rhyming word: Orgasbord! 

I raise my glass to Nostalgia, and pour a little out for my fallen homie lost to this world, Imagination.