Spaz and the Spider

A Recital Piece – at this time, please picture me in a lacy white cotillion gown, combat boots, and afro.


Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider who sat down beside her
And she spazzed out in traffic trying to kill that mother fucker
Because she was driving
And he was IN HER CAR!


The end. Thank you.

{Curtesy} At this time, please throw flowers.


Top Ten Life Lessons Learned from “Charlotte’s Web” (1973)

Charlotte's Web (1973)

© 1973 Paramount HE. All rights reserved

  • 10. While crying and fainting may not solve your problems, it can certainly endear others to your cause.
  • 09. Loved ones die. No sugar-coated euphemisms about it. But death – while sad – is natural and eventual, and does not have to be frightening.
  • 08. To have an extensive vocabulary is damn cool.
  • 07. While love may equal self-sacrifice, it does not equal the sacrifice of personal growth.
  • 06. What we look like does not determine our value or dictate our future.
  • 05. People rarely think when mass media will do it for them.
  • 04. Only children can converse with talking animals. Those of you who never had this experience either A) never really had a childhood,  B) went through puberty WAY too early, or C) should have employed a talking goose to teach your dumb animal the art of articulation.
  • 03. Everything living has beauty and purpose. Even spiders that are only cute while animated.
  • 02. Friendship can overcome even classicism and speciesism.
  • 01. The second most awesome word in the English(ish) language to say aloud is Smorgasbord, losing the prize to its only rhyming word: Orgasbord! 

I raise my glass to Nostalgia, and pour a little out for my fallen homie lost to this world, Imagination.